Loving Kindness (METTA)

“In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived. How well we have loved. How well we have learned to let go” ~ Jack Kornfield

“Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Theory

Loving Kindness is considered one of the natural qualities of the Heart and Mind readily available for us to tap into and access at any moment (even during the difficult and unpleasant ones). One definition for Loving Kindness provided by Dr. John Welwood is holding an attitude of unconditional friendliness to Oneself and towards others. However, what we think and how we think develops through experience. We cannot simply replace the thinking that is happening with preferred thinking. If we could, we would. If we are experiencing negative thinking, we might try to replace it with positive thinking. This usually doesn’t work because the positive thoughts feel fake while the negative thoughts feel real.

You can’t make positive thinking feel more real, but you can cultivate thinking and feeling that is more positive. “Cultivating” means preparing or developing and using. You cultivate preferred thinking by practicing evoking thinking that is honest and true in intention, mindfully hanging out with the thinking and noticing the effects of this effort. With consistent practice eventually, this effort can produce more positive thinking and feelings. They don’t just happen, but they grow over time just how a flower blooms as long as the seeds receive enough water and sunshine.

In cultivating loving kindness, you are evoking thoughts from your intention and good wishes. They may not feel true yet, but the intention is and, with practice, your thinking and feeling will gradually align with the intention and good wishes.

You practice by thinking of a being that you want to work with. That being can be a person, a pet or an animal. You can practice with one being or another or you can work with several beings in the following order;

• Beloved Person (Family Member, Friend, coach, Mentor, Teacher, Pet…)

• Neutral Person (Store Clerk, Bus Driver, Stranger Passing, Homeless Person…)

• Difficult Person (Someone that causes you an adverse stress response just thinking of them)

• Yourself

• All Beings Everywhere

In the presence of the thoughts and feelings evoked by this being, you say the phrases below (or make up your own). You say each phrase and sit mindfully in the presence of this being and your wish, noticing how it affects thinking, feelings and physical sensations. You don’t have to believe what you say or feel it or try to make it anything other than what it is in this moment: a statement. You just say it and “hang out” with it. Then you say the next phrase in the same manner. When you’ve said all the phrases, you can be mindful of your current experience for awhile and then you can repeat the series of phrases again and repeat this process for the duration of the meditation.

You can practice with just one being below or you can do the entire series, bringing to mind each being in each category and saying the phrases to yourself (or out loud). If you are practicing with all of the beings listed, you might say each series of phrases three times for each being before moving to the next being.

Loving Kindness Phrases

• May I, You, We be safe and protected

• May I, You, We be healthy and strong

• May I, You, We be happy and joyful

• May I, You, We live with ease and well-being

• May I, You,,, We have and be filled with Loving Kindness

Practice

Decide on how many steps of the Loving Kindness practice you will perform in the meditation (working with just one being, several beings, or all the beings in all of the steps). It can help to decide in advance whom you will think about for each step. Decide what phrases you will use. You can use those provided, find others, or make up your own.

The specific phrases are not as important as selecting words that ring trueand connect the Mind with the Heart. Begin with Mindfulness of Breath Meditation. Once you feel “settled”, think about the being you will begin working with. When the being feels “present” enough in your thoughts and feelings and body sensations, say the Loving Kindness phrases. Use the being you are thinking of and the phrases as your anchor in this meditation, noticing when attention wanders off, gets lost or caught up in something else and bringing attention back to this anchor. If you are working with only one being, say the phrases over and over for the duration of the meditation. If you are working with more than one being, then say the phrases at least three times for each person.

Remember that you don’t have to feel each statement as a truth. You are cultivating the possibility for these feelings, not making them happen. You say the phrases and mindfully notice the effects. You let them have whatever effect they are having in this moment. What is most important here is your intention in saying the phrases, in cultivating the thoughts and feelings and in letting the results be whatever they are for now.